After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
