there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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