We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
