it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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