The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
