i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
