I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
