This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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