Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
