is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
