we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
