but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
