god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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