Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
