are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize