Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
