As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
