i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
