Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm like, not good at living.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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