i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Less talking, more tequila
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
