she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
