I heard we made out
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
tell me about the fingering
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
