I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
