I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
