the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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