i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
