Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
