I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You have to summon your inner elephant
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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