Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
