I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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