worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
