Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
