Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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