I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She's just so happy...and so naked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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