weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
