Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You need a sexual gate keeper
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
