I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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