the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
