i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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