So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
