i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
