Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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