I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
