Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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