i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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