Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
