Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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