You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
