32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
