How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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