she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
