No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
dude. I can hear the air.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
