I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize