I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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