Can Purell be used as lube?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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