I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
