ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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