dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
