been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize