Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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