the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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