my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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