You just made me feel so damn special
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
