U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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