Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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