She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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