i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Girls should come with a carfax report
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
