I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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