i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
