I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
we should paint friendship bongs
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
