id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
