singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
