She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
