I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
