i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
