i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
