How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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