i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize