There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
