mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
