i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
