The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
