It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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