I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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