What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
