We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
