oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
