im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
