i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
