I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
