I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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