The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
where are my eyebrows?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
