I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
