he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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