i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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