Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
