out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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